Digging through the archives I found a Best Man speech where I helped turn the reception into a giant pub quiz. Where all the questions were about the Groom. The Best Man went to great lengths to have cards cut and then placed on each table. Which might not seem much. But when you’ve spent a day trying to moderate the Groom’s drinking, dressing the Groom, making sure you have the rings and many other things along with moderating the Groom's drinking, the effort needed to organise cards for tables, is somewhat Herculean. Anyway, a novel and dare I say creative, way to highlight your friend’s deficiencies and failings on the most important day of his life. Enjoy.
“…On your table, you’ll find three letters, A B and C. I’ll be asking you to hold up after you’ve conferred and made your choice. So here goes:
QUESTION 1:
Anyone who knows Jeffrey knows that he loves a beer or several. But, what happens to Jeffrey when he’s had a bit too much?
Does he:
A: Decide that he can no longer bear his clothes, strip naked and start singing sea shanties?
B: Lecture anyone who listens about the state of the country, then start an argument with a wall?
C: Giggle insanely, and start to glow like a Scotsman on a moderately sunny day?
The answer is ‘C’, When Jeffrey’s had a few too many, he glows like a Scotchman on a moderately sunny day… which is really handy when you’re trying to get home in the pitch black after a lash-up. If you put ‘C’ award yourself three points.
QUESTION 4:
Which of the following good deeds does Rob do for his local community? Does he:
A: Shovel snow from people’s drives on bleak winter mornings?
B: Supply heartwarming cuddles for the elderly?
C: Drive around, picking up their rubbish, and throwing it into the front of his truck?
The answer is ‘C’. Rob picks up his neighbour’s rubbish and empties it all over the seats and dashboard of his Toyota Hilux. It is the only explanation for why his car is so filthy. Ladies and Gentlemen: Rob’s cars are the only vehicles I know that decay from the inside out. So if you put ‘C’ give your table three points…”
You’re allowed to get creative. It’s not in North Korea, there’s no state-mandated speech for Best Men.